In chess there is something called the Shannon Number which basically says that there may be more possible chess games than there are atoms in the Universe. That is hard for me to wrap my head around, but that is what Claude Shannon the mathematician came up with.

A crazy big number of possible chess games that could unfold on a board of 8 X 8 squares. So what is possible for our lives? Can you imagine that more is possible than you currently think, and that maybe our idea of what’s possible is limited? I believe our potential is way greater than what we allow ourselves to be. If you underestimated how many possible chess games there could be, see if you can shift your thinking and open up what is possible in your mind for our lives while we’re here. I want us all to be the greatest versions of ourselves.

And if you have a young one who you want to teach chess to, I recently got hired by a company that teaches chess to children through storytelling. If you know a youth who might want to learn, feel free to send them my way alec3chess@gmail.com Our company teaches kids as young as three.

White supremacy is the biggest form of terrorism the world has ever known.

Even writing those words feels extreme, but it’s just the plain facts. “The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled is convincing the world he didn’t exist.” I’m not saying all white people are the devil, but just going off of our history for the past 500 years the Devil would show his true colors with blonde hair and blue eyes. Look at what that “idealization/normalization” cost in Germany, look at how that toxic thinking turned a brown skinned nomadic rabbi into a blue eyed image.

And then these cowards have the audacity to get offended when somebody like me realizes I can’t write it more clearly.

The problem isn’t “white people bad,” “everybody else good.” No the problem is the idea that white is right and the rest of the world who isn’t straight, white and male is some how less than. But that is the reality. Domestic white male terrorists get treated with more dignity than law-abiding BIPOC people in this country who happen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.

We’re not trying to erase white people, we’re just trying to tear down the notion of supremacy, because it’s the biggest lie. The truth of it is what white people have been historically good at is using violence and warfare to oppress, and we are tired of feeling the boot, so we’re standing up. White supremacy will end, because at the end of the day, we are actually all members of the human race. As the rest of us gain equal footing, some people feel like their losing ground, but there’s room at the table for everybody, we just demand to be treated with respect.

The good news is that the more people interact with people outside of their own experience, the more their perspectives shift. I love the diversity of new york, and that the unwritten credo is live and let live. That’s all we’re asking for. Stop killing Asian people. Stop killing black people. Get those babies out of the cages and back with their families. And start acknowledging that everybody, every culture, every single person on this planet is valuable, and that we the people demand that everybody be treated fairly and with dignity.

It’s been some cold days, but things are warming up. I had a conversation today where I talked about clichés, and that they exist for a reason. The thing about them is, they’re usually true, or at least follow a pattern that is usually true, and for good reason. “The Sun will come out tomorrow,” well I certainly hope so. And if it’s a rainy day, it will make us appreciate the sunny ones more.

Okay, for a second there, I thought I was going to go down a whole rabbit hole, but I got annoyed with that as soon as I started.

What I’m saying is, nothing is new under the Sun… I promise I’m not doing that.

Okay, every story has been told… in Linklater’s “Waking Life” somebody talked about the idea that there is only one story, this story, and we’re all telling it in our own way. But sometimes we feel like we don’t have permission to tell our story, because it sounds like something that somebody has already said or done. Yet there’s only been one of us that can tell the story in our own unique way.

So tell your story. Somebody needs to hear what you have to say. Even if you’re afraid that it’s too cliché.

All right…. this is entry 87 of 100 consecutive days of writing here in this blog. I still have to reach entry 100, but this is a good time to check in and see how it’s been and decide where I want to go from here.

I definitely want to keep going, I’d like to write every single day. The whole purpose of this 100 day exercise was to expand my writing practice. I’m launching other blogs and writing projects simultaneously, so I’m pretty happy with the results. For the most part I haven’t looked back on previous entries, so that will be something that I may do after I get to 100. In keeping with the theme, instead of committing to writing every day going forward, I may commit to 100 more days.

There are events and circumstances that I’ve been vague about lately, but there’s been a purpose for my methods. I look forward to sharing more when the time is right.

That’s it. Just a little check in as I near the finish line, but I’m hoping the end is just another beginning. Every entry has felt like a small win. Here’s to 87 small wins!

Maybe it’s all in our minds, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t real. What’s the difference between reality and what we perceive? Perception is the lense through which we perceive reality, and reality is defined as “what actually is.” But we don’t actually know “what is.” It’s a question.

Granted, sometimes our perception can be way off from what probably is, especially when it comes to our assumptions about what others think about us. Especially when we assume people are out to get us, or spending a lot of time thinking negative things about us. Most of the time people are too busy dealing with their own insecurities to spend that much time thinking about our shortcomings. And maybe, there are people who wish us ill, but we should probably stay away from them. Both in real life, and especially in our minds. Because it’s all the mind.

Reality. What is. A lot of psychologists say perception isn’t reality, but it can become a person’s reality, and that there’s a difference. But how do we know “what is”? Through our perception, and through a scientific lense. But science can only explain and analyze the scaffolding, what’s underneath is turtles all the way down. The more we learn, the more questions we have. When what we really want to know is, what is the secret to life, and how can we make this life mean something. And the answer? Well that’s different for each of us, but I think it has to do with the mind. We can choose what we want to believe. We can choose to believe in a world governed by love, or we can choose to only see the negativity. Is the glass half full or half empty? Which one makes you feel better? For me it’s drinking the water with gratitude, and then meditating on what I want to fill it up with next, and also thinking about how I can bring water to those with empty cups.

Or maybe that’s just a story I’m telling. Maybe it’s all in my mind. But thoughts become things, and these thoughts are now words, and if you are reading this and are feeling even just a little bit brighter with your outlook. Then maybe this story works. Seek stories that fill you up with light, and spread the word.

The author Steven Pressfield of “The War of Art” was on the Tim Ferriss Podcast recently and he shared a quote that I’ve heard before from the Talmund : Every blade of grass has its angel that bends over it and whispers, 'Grow, grow.'

Ooh, another quote I’ll share… which I’ll confess, I saw because I checked my facebook on my desktop is:

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” ~ Anaïs Nin

Sidebar, download newsfeed eradicator on your computer if you want to try to minimize the mindless scroll that we get trapped in. It will at least start you off with a meaningful quote.

These two quotes are speaking to me today because one of the mindful communities that I’m in, Parallel Path with Lili Torre, had a discussion this morning about inputs and outputs. How to find the balance between what we’re putting in, and what we’re putting out. For me it comes down to doing that which makes me grow, and understanding that on some days that might be rest and recovery. It also means understanding that the flow of the universe is growth. At least in this moment in time, the universe is expanding, and that’s the direction it wants us to go.

Expand. What does that mean to you? For me it means stretching myself in order to learn new things, and grow my current capabilities. It means allowing myself to believe that more is possible than what’s happened before, and doing things that help me stay in growth mindset. Being mindful about who I spend my time with, and understanding that opening myself up to possible criticism will make me stronger, as long as I don’t let criticism dampen my belief.

There are times when it may feel like the world isn’t responding the way you want, like you’re not seeing the fruits of your labors. That doesn’t mean that you should stop planting seeds and learning how to better tend your garden. Actually it’s the best time. When you feel alone, why not read, or better yet, meditate. How is your fitness? Physical, mental, and spiritual. We are all on this solitary journey together. Relationships and community can be magical, but the foundation of any relationship starts with the one you have with your self. The relationship you have with your self is the one constant relationship that you will ever have, so learn how to make that the healthiest.

Do what makes you grow, only you know what that is. If you don’t know, start paying attention to what lights you up, and do more of that. If you are like me, an artist or a changemaker, and you want to create things and share them with the world. Don’t let fear stop you from sharing your story. By sharing your story, you will get better at sharing your story. By sharing your story, you may give somebody else the courage to start sharing theirs. And then we all grow, just like the Universe. Expanding.

Ouch.

But it’s not that bad. We just received our second round of the Moderna vaccine yesterday evening, and today I’m feeling the phantom fever symptoms. The aches, pains, and lethargy with absolutely no cold like symptoms.

It is worth it. While I very much have enjoyed this year of reflection, I am eager to be back onto theatres and sets sooner than later, and the way forward is to get vaccinated.

Yes, there are some mild side-effects, but nothing compared with the worst effects of the CoVid-19 virus. Or even worse, passing the virus on to somebody else who is immunocompromised.

So please, get the vaccine as soon as you can. There may be some minor side-effects for 24 hours, but in return we’ll all feel much better knowing that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I look forward to meeting all of the people that we’ve become.

Everybody has their own version of reality.

The cause of much pain and strife is the idea that if everybody doesn’t see the same reality, that it somehow negates our perspective. In fact, this need for validation causes a lot of people to invalidate the realities of others, in order to feel more secure in their own. But it is a false security. Inside the gated fortresses we construct lies the same insecurities that caused us to push people away in the first place.

To be secure, we need to be secure from within, secure that our reality is ours, regardless of what the rest of the world perceives. We are all on our own journeys, and we perceive the world from different vantage points. These unique experiences are what we share in common, that we’re all struggling with the same ideas and questions, but in our own singular way.

Instead of guarding our perception, why not open it up to other perspectives? If we allow new ideas in, we may just find ourselves looking out at the world from a much better vantage point.

“Something in the way of things.” -Amiri Baraka

There is something in the way of things, sometimes it’s the boundaries that we come across, but sometimes those boundaries are the key to our liberation.

I used to think that things happened for a reason, and then for quite a while I thought it was all random, so we might as well party.

Now, I have come full circle. There is something in the way of things has a double meaning. When I heard that poem before, recorded on the Phrenology album by The Roots, I only heard the negative side of it. That part is definitely there, but it also tells me, that there is a way to things. There is something in the way of things, and there is a way to how things work. A lot of times we are the thing in our own way, because we are fighting against the way of things, fighting against our higher selves. Sometimes we are choosing the darkness, but there are still angel wings hovering over each one of us blades of grass saying “grow.” And the universe is gonna keep expanding, for now, so we might as well go with the flow.

If you feel like the river won’t flow, you just have to learn how to adjust what your seeing, and catch the wave. The water is warm in here, and it runs deep. There are rapids, but there are a bunch of us here waiting to throw you a raft, but you gotta jump in first. I’m waiting on my ship to come in, but until then, I’m enjoying and appreciating my raft. When I jumped in the water, it was scary at first, but I was thrown a lot of life preservers from many other travellers, and even though I on my fantastic voyage now, I’m still getting help from others travellers on the journey as we sail towards deeper waters.

So jump in. I stayed on the shore for a lot longer than I had to. I’m grateful I have this time now, and I don’t take the time I have left for granted. So jump in while you can. It’s neither too late, nor too early. You are right on time, so catch the wave.

Last week’s guest on my Podcast, Courtney McClellan talked about the power of small changes, how small changes can lead to great change.

There are these anecdotes and sayings that sound simple on the surface, but run really deep.

One of my communities, which I’ve mentioned many times is Jen Waldman Studios. I hopped into the tail end of a community call tonight titled, “How Do You Measure A Year?” And, I have to say, 2020 may have been my best year ever, but it’s because of the small changes that led to great change. It was a great year, because I learned to make every day the best day, and to appreciate the significance of ordinary days as well.

And you know what? If all goes well, I’m looking forward to doing it again tomorrow.

A reframe that I love is changing “why is this happening to me” to “this is happening for me.” And the why is something that we get to fill in. Dean Graziosi talks about success tax, that if you want to be really successful, there is a price that we have to pay, and it often comes in the form of a future tax. We pay now for success later, if we stick to the path. So roadblocks, rejections, good old-fashioned banana peels, are actually signs that we are on the right track, if we choose to look at things that way.

Or we can make a choice to stop, to turn away, to reject the call and give in to our doubts and fears. To accept the fate that somebody else has bestowed on us. But that way will only lead us on a downward spiral, so we might as well look up. Appreciate where we are right now. It’s called the present, because it’s a gift.

A little secret about me: I was told once, by a random person at a party, that I have one foot in the grave. And that was almost 20 years ago. I’m not nor have I ever been terminally ill, nor am I dissatisfied with life. Quite the opposite. I have no plans of leaving this plane anytime soon. One definition means close to death, and in a sense, that’s true. I partially exist in the spirit world. Life is the empty space between birth and death, that we fill with so many things. This is the journey that we’re all on. Lately I’ve been trying to remember to be in the moment more in my life, to meditate, to stop and smell the roses, and to practice gratitude. Because we only get one of these lifes. I mean, I think we experience many, but this one, each one, is unique. So let your unique life be the greatest it can be.

The bag ripped apart, halfway up the bicycle ramp of the Williamsburg bridge.

History repeats.

Bags falling apart when I’m trying to bring groceries home when I was 10 in Seattle, and then it’s happening again just yesterday on the bridge.

Catastrophes averted.

Two years ago, I had a bicycle accident on the bridge. I think I was knocked out for a few seconds, I shouldn’t have been, but I had one to many with my co-workers after our shifts and shouldn’t have been riding that night. There was a light rain.

Luckily I was wearing a helmet. I landed on my face, my cheek scraped on the ground. But I didn’t lose my teeth. I had a scar under my eye, that looked like a faded shiner for a year. I think something inside me, or something from the past made me crash my bike that night trying to save my life. Maybe it was my grandfather coming back through time to save my life again. Maybe it was my future self. Maybe it was me all along.

Free me from my self-destructive ways.

And now I’m grateful to say.

I survived my own self-destruction. And I’m back on my way.

Crisis averted.

The ever present existential crisis has become a dear friend. I don’t know why we’re here, but we might as well dance with it.

And now, I have so many reasons to live. Wake up and live right now. I’m so thankful for this day.

Getting out of our comfort zones is… uncomfortable, but worth it.

“Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life” -Susan David, PHD.

One thing to say it, another thing entirely to live it, but if we practice it we grow. Part of the discomfort is around doing the work when we aren’t yet virtuosos, and listening to feedback on where we are. Pushing ourselves out of our comfort zones also can prevent us from resting on our laurels.

Lately it’s felt like there isn’t enough time to keep up with all the things, but these are the things that I wanted to do. So I’m working to remind myself to take things a step at a time, and keep stepping forward.

What can we do today that will make us more like who we would like to be tomorrow? Let’s do more of that. Sometimes that might mean rest, because we don’t want to be worn out tomorrow.

Roman numerals get big at certain points. 77 is a long one.

This post won’t be.

I’ll continue this practice here, as I also gear up to start another writing project that I look forward to exploring. That one will be secret, for a while at least. At some point, I’ll start leaving breadcrumbs, or if you’re an E.T. fan, a trail of Reese’s Pieces.

My wife asked me yesterday if I prefer writing over acting these days. I can’t say that I prefer one over the other, they are two different creative parts of my brain. But there is a magic to writing. Thoughts become words, and words become things.

Let us mind our thoughts, and think before we speak.

Patience.

Just like meditation, writing, martial arts, and pretty much anything else you want to get good at. Patience takes practice.

The past few years, 2020 included, have been some of my favorite years so far, because I feel like I’m finally breaking my former self-sabotaging ways. I’m designing the life that I’ve dreamed of, by learning how to live for today.

Setting goals, and following the path has led to multiple successes. Never has the journey went exactly how I planned, but it keeps getting better. Yet still, when something doesn’t go exactly the way I saw it, there is a part of me that wants to be impatient, or worry that maybe I’m going the wrong way. So I’m learning to practice patience, and that takes trust. Trust that when things don’t go the way we planned, the Universe is just preparing us for even bigger opportunities.

I promise I’m gonna stop talking like a fortune cookie… then again, maybe that’s a promise that I can’t promise to keep. My path keeps unfolding. When I’m open to it, I can always see the way ahead, even if I can’t see what’s gonna meet me on the road.

So if you see roadblocks up ahead, or find yourself jumping hurdles. Don’t be discouraged, you are on the right path. Sometimes we just have to learn patience, and patience takes practice.

Where does the time go?

Maybe I can measure it in words.

Wins and losses.

None of these things are even easy to understand until further down the line.

Hindsight is 20/20.

Forward on.

More clarity tomorrow.

Today: musings. And gratitude. Always gratitude.

Almost there.

74 days of writing here in this place, 74% of the way to 100 days of writing in this blog. Were there a couple of days that might have gotten in under the radar or in the early morning of the next day, yes? But from the day I started, this is the 74th day, and that is what I’m celebrating now.

I still have to get to 100, and I’ll celebrate then, but this is a celebration of the journey. It’s all about the journey. Everything is liminal. Where does a story begin or end?

Almost there, but just the beginning.

“Yesterday was not to be,

So lock the door and toss the key.

In order to move forward,

Can’t be shackled to a memory. (memory, memory, memory)” -(vintage I AM THE THIRD)

For so long I’ve been haunted by what could have been,

Missing out on now, focussed on then.

But now I say over, and over again.

Right now is the best time there has ever been.

As we March forward into a new season, new month, and a new year. What do we take with us, and what are we ready to leave behind? I don’t know if we can ever let the past go, but maybe we can let go of whatever’s been holding us back and make room for some new flowers to grow. Now is the time for planting and tending, organizing and sending. I don’t know what crops are gonna grow this year, but I’m super appreciative of what I’ve been building so far.

Back in the grind, why not?

Got my first shot, getting my second soon.

I’m not the same person I was before all of this started, are you? I mean we are new people every every 7 years, according to some stories I’ve been told. 7 years to cycle through the cells in our body, 7 years to cycle through personality and spiritual shifts… but we’re just constantly changing.

And right now, we’re all standing at the threshold.